King James IV visited me last night and offered me a sandwich............

According to my Grade 10 self, sandwich is synonomous with sex. If you really think about it, or pay attention (on a highly juvenile level) to movies or television shows the characters often hide behind sandwiches when dealing with sex.

I used to have a really long list of movies that could fall under this category. But I started thinking this after I'd seen Catch Me If You Can. Frank Abagnale Jr.'s mama cheats on his papa with the boss-man, club leader guy, but pretends he's over for "sandwiches". In the bedroom?!

I like sandwiches. I like my bed. I like being naked (now don't get any ideas!). If I had a boss-man, club leader guy I'd probably like him too. But all three of those things in my bed....just seems fishy.

But Frank Jr. isn't stupid. He wasn't so protected by innocence and age that he could not see right through that pretty flimsy cover up. Which probably explains why he turned out to be one of the most notorious cheque forger-escape artist-imposter's of the 20th century. That's a triple threat like nothing else.

Imagine if a hollywood triple threat (singer-dance-actor) decided to add forger-escape artist-imposter to their resume! Hollywood would be their bitch. I would probably be their bitch too, just because they could.

Earlier, I typed up this big blog about absolutely nothing. I wanted to write about all the things I'd observed that are really absurd but I find I don't like it when my blog is just a series of highly unrelated things.

Sandwiches also known as sex is pretty absurd. So now I'm going to tell you that if you love cosmetics you can become a beautician, esthetician, botanist, horticulturist or account. According to the Government of Ontario, that is. Don't ask, don't know...it's better if we keep things the way they are.

I know, I know...the things I've talked about are not at all related. But they're in my head and because I'm having very unfocused thoughts, INSIDE, I see no reason why my unfocused thoughts shouldn't be all over the internet too!

"Golf looketh like a silly game" says King James IV. And I agree with him. 500 years later.
Honestly though, I'd like everyone to take a minute and picture themselves at the exact moment when His Majesty the King of Scots said to his royal court, in what was presumably a booming voice, "I hereby ban golf because it looketh like a silly game." Just try and tell me you wouldn't laugh out loud.

This sign was found in the

tomb of King James IV

Speaking of laughing out loud, I'd like to take the next few lines to rant about something that's a pretty big deal in our modern, technological society.
Abbreviations have totally ruined laughing-out-loud for people who want to describe what they're doing as actually laughing-out-loud. Seriously, when you say "lol" it doesn't mean anything anymore.
I've actually had conversations with people on MSN that have gone, something, like this:
Beanie_lover22: hey how u?
Rebecca: I'm good, and you?
Beanie_lover22: gud, just got back from the doctors.
Rebecca: Oh really? Is everything ok?
Beanie_lover22: 4sure. i had to get my leg amputated. nbd though lol

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!? Is an amputation normally funny? Am I missing something!? Did I miss the part where losing a limb is funny...?

Lol is a conversation filler for people who don't know how to function normally. I think people think it helps to ease the tension or, when used on me, to INCREASE it. Saying "lol" after telling me you think we should break up and see other people is really not appropriate. No one is laughing. I'm actually col-ing. Crying out loud.

I almost feel obliged to record a video of myself laughing and attached it to things (like funny pictures) or send to my friends (while we chat) so that they'll believe me. I supposed I could use skype. But I'm really awkward on camera and I spend more time looking at the really unflattering mirror image of myself at the bottom of the computer screen than the conversation itself.

Plus the only people I've ever skyped with are my family in Germany and the 26 year old Hungarian family friend who's in love with me. The family part is fine but I've developed a complex with web cameras because I'm afraid buddy is on the other side watching me.

That's all for me. I'm in the library and I'm getting a little sick of it. Actually, I really hate the library. Yesterday I spent a really stressful 30 minutes on the fourth floor looking for monologues in a section of very poorly organized books. The whole library is poorly organized. The whole library sucks. Except the basement with the really sweet shelves that move when you press a button. I feel like Indiana Jones in my very own Temple of Doom. I like books but libraries make me want to throw up from frustration. So I'll stick to my mom and have her do all the searching and the choosing for me.

I'd like to leave you with this though:

It is far easier to break something down then to build it back up again, like the sand castle you spent four hours perfecting, destroyed in moments by the tide.
-Me