Give the nice guys a chance!

A few days ago there was a giant (it was actually really small) black spider with a red marking on its back crawling all over the kitchen counter. I screamed "Moooom, we have a black widow in the house" and then ran terrified into the other room. Surprisingly, it wasn't a black widow. It turned out to be the completely harmless Redback Jumping Spider but it was the process of finding out its true identity that led me and my brother to thinking we were all about to die.
You see, when you google "black spider with red marking on back" the only two options that come up are black widow and the...wait for it....Redback Spider. Both of which are highly dangerous and can/will/are determined to kill you.
Here's what they look like:

Black Widow                                                                                     Redback Spider

Now you tell me those aren't the most terrifying things you've ever seen...

But you see, the whole point of me retelling this story is to highlight a serious flaw in the System-of-Naming-Spiders, to demonstrate exactly how scientists failed me and my brother and to open up a discourse on better ways to identify killer and non-killer spiders.
Of course, once I'd seen what a Redback Spider looked like I immediately knew it wasn't my spider, the one trapped in a glass and between several inches of thick counter top, paper and cutting board.  But can you blame me for being terrified when the words I used to describe exactly what I saw resulted in oversized images of spiders that can kill with one tiny, microscopic amount of poison? Of course not.
The problem isn't that I'm an idiot and continue to think that the spider in my kitchen was a highly dangerous Arachnid.
No, the problem is this:
Once upon a time there was a scientist whose name no one remembers. He was walking along through the forests of Australia when he suddenly came face to face with a black spider with red markings on its back. He took out his laptop and did a quick image search, looking for a species of spider that resembled this one. He came across Black Widow but determined that the one dangling inches from his face (lucky he didn't get killed) was something new, something he'd never seen before. So he punched the air in triumph, pleased that he'd discovered something no one else ever had and shouted "I shall name thee the Redback Spider" Then he took out a little jar, captured the spider (again, lucky he didn't get killed) went home and did some tests on his new friend. Somehow, not using himself as a guinea pig, he realized that the spider was a killer so he documented with the finest skill of the finest scientist that ever lived what he'd learned. The spider he caught eventually died (aka it escaped and due to its incredible ability to end a human life the scientist had to squish it) but its legacy as a killer remained. And so, life went on. Then one day the same scientist was walking along the floor of his kitchen when he noticed something black crawling along the counter top. He moved to get a closer look and jumped back in fear. It was a spider....a black spider with red markings on its back! He was paralyzed with fear but had just enough strength and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, slamming it down over top of the creature. "Mooooom" he screamed, "We have a black widow in the house!" After calming down a bit, he moved close again and peered through the glass, coming face to face with the spider. But this time he knew it couldn't be either a Black Widow or a Redback Spider so he sighed in relief. But he was curious about this little guy. See, it moved funny. A little too...jumpy if you ask me. So he went to his lab and searched and searched and searched for any indication that this spider had a name. It didn't. So he went back to it and studied it for a while. He watched its movements and he even let it crawl out onto his hand. It didn't bite. It was friendly and curious and instead of crawling like a traditional spider it had this odd tendency to jump. So punching the air in triumph that he had, yet again, discovered a new species of spider he shouted "I shall name thee the Redback Jumping Spider". He justified this because it had a redback and it jumped and it was a spider. He went to work to document what he'd learned and eventually this little spider also died (naturally this time: old age). But its legacy as the spider who's perfectly harmless but looks and has almost the exact same name as that really poison spider lives on."
And so, that's the problem. Either that scientist was really sick-minded or dumb. Or he had a horrible memory and didn't recall his experiences with the terrifying Redback Spider. Because if he did, he'd probably have named the cute and curious jumpy spider something original. Something with pizzazz. Not something with an uncanny ability to induce fear!

I hope this has been an informative post. I hope that it has taught my readers that despite the twisted sense of humour that scientists obviously have there's a chance that the giant spider crawling towards you with eight bulging eyes and pincers the size of your hand isn't actually so bad after all. Who knows, maybe if the Redback Jumping Spider had been called anything else I wouldn't have thought long and hard and on several occasions about whether or not to kill it.

Note to scientists: Spiders already have a bad rep. They're creepy looking, have eight (often) hairy legs and sometimes a billion beady black eyes so let's give the nice guys a chance.

Peace and Love
-Berky

Dear University of Guelph....you listened.

Today I asked the University of Guelph if they would consider handing out marks on a day other than Christmas. Mixing the wonderful joys of family, love and tradition with the stress of whether or not you passed all your courses is extremely confusing so you can see why I took it upon myself to write them a letter (uh, more like Facebook status). Apparently, they got it, read it and listened.
Because grades are posted (December 23rd) and that officially marks the end of Semester 1 (see what I did there?)

I passed everything. Move over Jesus, this is a true Christmas miracle!
Altogether, I'm just really glad to say this semester is over. As much as I loved Tech I sprouted a few too many white hairs and my patience/sanity was tested a bit too reminiscent of last year. I liked design class too, like Dudley Dursley liked being on a diet. And Dr. Paul's class was always too much for me to handle.
I mean he looks like this...

but scarier...

You know those mid-night food cravings that just occupy your brain no matter what you do?? I just got one...for an toasted everything bagel with plain cream cheese from Timmies. Oh. My. God. It really hit the spot. It really always does. 

I'm having blogger's block...I wanted to write about marks (because aside from Timmies that's all I've been thinking about for the past few days) but let's be honest here, there's really not a whole lot interesting about marks. I passed and that's that.

Anyway,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my lovely followers and their followers and those people's followers. Spread the joy of the season to everyone you know!

And please remember...

Peace and Love

-Bonergeist

PSYCH. I'm not Bonergeist.

You Shall Not Pass! (Unless you score 100 on the following test):

This is mostly for Sam's benefit.

1. Can you Irish jig for 4 hours straight?
2. Can you screech like a Pterodactyl?
3. Can you drink 3 beers without getting drunk?
4. Can you be on the receiving end of insults or be an insulter?
5. Do you have hot friends?
6. Can you learn to LOVE Boston Legal?
7. Are you a Sci-Fi person?
8. Do you have a nickname?
9. Are you opposed to pee in your mouth?
and...
10. How comfortable are you with late night, snuggle sessions?

Adiós Ombrey!

So, semester one is done. That means no more all night talks with Sam or all day sleeps with Kate. No more mid-afternoon video game sessions, certainly no more Star Trek marathons and no more funny faces from Chotchy. At least not until next year (2011!)
Oh, and no more cute, Chipmunk giggles from Ombrey. Especially no more anything from Ombrey.
We had the good-bye party for her on Friday. Kate and I went all out with the "purprises". You should have seen Chotchy's face when he freaked out about what the "purprises" were. We made phillo pastry finger foods, Sushi, had huge veggie and fruit platters and Ombrey and I baked Owen a birthday cake. It was a birthday/good-bye cake, actually, for Owen AND Aldo. I made a little speech but mostly I found it hard to think of anything to say because I was crying too much. I think all I said was "Ombrey, you were the best room mate and I'm going to miss you so much! I love you". Speeches are really hard and when Bohemian Rhapsody is on in the background, at the part where it goes
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

things get messy.

Shit, I'm going to miss her so much.

These people make life complete.

I'm back home now. Toronto. I like being back home but it definitely feels different. I have two and a bit weeks to enjoy this and then school starts again. Well, actually...I'm going back early to stage manage for Sarah Dee (the Snow Week one acts) I'm really looking forward to it. I wonder if I'm going to enjoy stage managing or if I'm going to be a nervous wreck!

Going to see The King's Speech in a bit, with my mama and her friend Jane. I heard it's good and I like going to the movies. 

Saw Ayla and the fam-jam this morning for brunch. She's a real doll; most active little girl in the whole world. The cutest too. I can't wait until I get to babysit her again! 

I'm going to go have a snack of some sort.

Peace and Love

-Berky

ps: I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday!

End of a semester

Sam's blog looks prettier than mine  (sometimes).
Images make a big difference. I'm going to start adding some to my posts too.
A bunch of stuff has happened in the last few days.
Kate woke up with a hole in her arm and we spent about a hundred hours in emergency, waiting for her to get stitches. The whole experience was uneventful but fun (like it usually is...and I'm not being sarcastic) but the ride home, at 10 am, was awesome. We got picked up in the Guelph equivalent of Wheel Trans.

Do we honestly look like we need one of these?

(Maybe Sam, but not us)

 The Ladies are pretty rambunctious right now.  At least one of them is tearing around the cage, tossing newspaper pieces all over the place. I wonder what possesses them to do the things they do...?

Ombrey got her wisdom teeth out yesterday so she looks like the adorable result of Human-Chipmunk breeding. Chotch and I had a good laugh (at her expense). It's out of love though. She's just so puffed up!

It's beginning to feel a lot like holy shit, semester 1 of year 3 is over!! I can't believe, no...scratch that! I can't remember how this semester went by so fast! Like, seriously? Where did it all go!? 

Somehow, by some wonderful twist of fate I'm actually getting really good marks in Candram. I wonder if I'm actually getting good marks because my work is good or if I'm just right in the middle of Pat's basket!? You may interpret this last statement however you please (Sam) but it is and always will be completely innocent (and "that's what her said" free).

I got 87% on this essay I wrote relatively last minute, mostly in one sitting and with very little thought at all. I swear, what's the point of university if I keep doing shit all but getting good marks? There's no motivation in that! The only thing that's awesome about not doing anything but getting good results is that I can continue doing nothing and getting good results without feeling guilty.

That's right, Ma and Pa, I'm staying in school but only because it's a hell of a lot easier than I expected and I'm doing a hell of a lot less than either of you would like to believe! 

February really couldn't get here any slower though. I hope, more than anything right now, that things work out.

I went to Squirrellies last night....it was alright. Just because I'm not smiling, though, doesn't mean I'm not having fun. I may be having the same amount of fun as you (who are bouncing off the walls and screaming at the top of your lungs) but I'm just showing it differently. So relax. 

On another note, Bohemian Rhapsody and, well, karaoke in general just doesn't feel right without my immediate and extended family (room mates and their various attachments). I wanted to sing last night but I didn't really have anyone to sing to. No Kate to point at if I'm bellowing out "bet you on land, they'd understand that they don't reprimand their daughters, bright young women, sick of swimming READY TO STAND!" and no Chotchy to watch scream "I want it that way!" 

I think I'm going to start suffering from a serious case of separation anxiety. Ombrey leaves in 3 days. THREE! Count 'em! ONE...TWO...THREE! 

Our good-bye party for her is going to be awesome though. A really good send off for a really good friend. I'm going to miss the hell out of her....

But, we get a really sweet NEW roomie in her place. Meg. I've never met her but she's gotten good reviews because she's friends with a whole bunch of my friends (like Ombrey...they lived together) 

I should've gone to bed hours ago. But I spent forever making something special on paint and now it's way later than I would've liked. Kate and I have to do some serious party shopping tomorrow.

So long. Tschuss!

Peace and Love

-Berk

Put me in the basket, please!

Media reunion was fabulous. The four of us (Gabby, Sarah Dee, Bedersk and myself minus St. Mary) got together for a wonderful night of drinks and fun! I have a blast with these girls! Hilarious things happen that unfortunately no one could ever understand! I shit everywhere.
We laugh a lot when we're together and that's such an important thing!
We hit up basically every spot we could downtown. Frank's, McCabes, The Loft, the Middle Place, Van Gogh's, Vinyl, B-Taps and the drunk bus (just the four of us, causing a scene) and we had fun at each place! Globe trotters, what up!
I'm feeling a little anxious and nervous lately and I think I know exactly what's causing it. I'm not going to say but those of you who are in the know...know. It's just something I have to do. I'm chicken shit though so it'll take a while.
So, Jay's here. And I wish he'd leave. No! No! I don't mean it. I like having him around. Except when he and Sam get to calling each other asshole and fucker all day long. Which is always. So, man, maybe I do want him to leave?
I HAVE LADIES! I know that sounds weird but I do! Three, cute little, rat-ladies! I've been wanting to get a pet for a while now and on Monday I decided to detour (on my way home from campus) to the pet store...when I saw how CUTE the rats were I called Chotchy and asked if he was able to pick me up because I was thinking about buying some rats. I decided to wait until after the holidays though and went home. When I got home, Chotchy asked me about 5 times if I'd gotten my rats yet. I said no. It hurt to say no but I did. The next day, Chotchy asked me again about 5 times if I'd gotten my rats yet. Kate was sitting right there, I looked her in the eyes and shouted "NOT YET! But, we should probably go now, shouldn't we?" So we got a cab, took Jay and Sam with us, bought three delicious little ladies, brought them home and I'm in love. I can't believe how much joy they bring to me!
If you're wondering...they're names are: Lady Linus, Duchess of Chesmo and Madam Milo! Aren't those the most unbelievable names!?
They're sleeping right now but I want to wake them up and give them all big, mama-rat (?) kisses!
I should go to bed...I'm exhausted but all anxiousy. Fuck.
Goodnight....good morning?
Toi-toi!
Peace and Love
-Berky

Any requests?

Last night was fantastic. Going out with my room mates usually is though. I can't believe I live with these people. I could blog every day, every minute even for the rest of my life about how much I like these guys.
We went to Vinyl which is one of the only "popular" bars I've never been to before. I tried getting in once in first year using a fake ID but the bouncer looked at me like I was crazy. Then we tried Albion, for gay night, and got in. Curious.
Dancing is always the best time ever. I don't know why I didn't like it before. Ombrey has a good point: no one can really dance so why not just do it anyway!
Manu finally made a non-library related appearance and we had such a blast! That guy can bust a move. He told Kate that Michael Jackson was his cousin and when she asked him to prove it...MAN, did he prove it.
I love that with my room mates we can ride the drunk bus home and be as loud and obnoxious as possible. It's never been that way for me before....with Kate, yes, but a group of friends...no. Until now. I can belt out "The Circle of Life" (including the Swahili part at the beginning) at the top of my lungs and I can guarantee everyone will join in. Even Sam. Despite what he says about Slipknot being better music than mine...he loves Disney.
I think that with the singing skills the gang and I have we really should start a band. Our performances of Don't Stop Believing and Bohemian Rhapsody were real winners! We bowed and everything at the end, to the empty bar and a few bouncers. One even took a picture of us! Feeling so famous right now.
Outside Jimmy Jazz Kate and I got into a thing with the bouncer. He told us the doors were closed to the bar when they were obviously open. Kate called him on it and he told her to stop being "smart". How can she stop being smart when she's obviously so much smarter than him?! Come on.
Cigars are fantastic. There's nothing else to say about it.
Last night I smoked so much free weed. Once right off the bus. Again INSIDE Vinyl...that shit was dope. I wanted to eat the air, absorb it into my skin and then the bouncer from Van Gogh's handed me a fattie on the bus. He said it was the power of green that possesed him to do it. No complaints here.
A certain someone got right fucked up. She's finally learned to master the Iron Maiden!
I did my audition for Love and Anger today. It went. I won't know until Monday so I'm just going to forget about it. I'm glad I did it though. Haven't auditioned for anything since high school.
I'm going back to Toronto. It's Chanukah so I'm going to light candles. I miss my family.
Peace and Love.
-Boner

What's the matter? You don't like your coffee....black?!

My biological clock is really off. I woke up at 10 this morning and that's the earliest I've been awake since Saturday. Lately I've been staying up until 6 am and sleeping in until 4. I haven't gone to classes in a while because I'm too busy dreaming. But that's OK. There's only one day left and then I can sleep all I want.
Having an inner clock that keeps trying to tell my body it's the middle of the night is tough. I won't lie. I feel jet lagged. Like I'm walking through jello or against rushing currents of hot water. All I want to do is sleep (but I guess that's really all I ever want to do). But, all things have a positive twist and I'm beginning to see that. Staying up until 6 with Kate every day for the last 3 days has been the best decision I've made in a while.
You see, we wrote the Story of Samuel Harding on Sunday night. It's about the journey a young man/boy/nerd/thing must take on his quest to defeat the ultimate foe. It is ripe with intrigue and mystery; comedy and tragedy. It is a story of morals and about acceptance. And, honestly, those sleepless nights and days spent snoozing sound boring, unproductive, depressing almost but nothing can compare to the smiling faces and hearty laughter of my room mates. So screw you hot rushing currents of jello! I'm a playwright for real this time!
However, The Story of Samuel Harding is not something I want to share with the bloggernet. It's actually really unfortunate because it's all I ever want to talk about. I can reference a few things but out of context they wouldn't make any sense. And they would also make us seem like horrible, horrible people.
Thinking about it now, with classical music playing in the background of my mind, in the cold, quiet basement of the library I'm having a hard time not laughing. Maybe one day we'll stage it. Or make a stop motion, puppet show movie of it. It would probably fail on Broadway though...not too sure if the world is quite ready to hear the true story of Samuel Harding. It's a bit much, even for the playwright.
On another note, I'm beginning to truly understand what it means to have a set of good room-mate/friends. None of that 'we live together so we have to be friends' nonsense. No, this is the real thing. This is it, baby. Chotchy, Sam, Ombrey: where have you been all my life? It's serendipity, as Chotch says. I think it has to be. Or fate. Or we've all got good karma. Karma's a Can of Tuna anyway, right?
Last night Bonergeist didn't make a peep. Despite talking about him so much lately I think he's starting to think we LIKE him...so instead of messing with our heads he's lying low. But maybe he's planning the ultimate head-messer-upper! We'll have to wait and see....
The S.S.S struck last night, though! They call themselves the Secret Snowman Society. They left little snacks for everyone in the house, wrapped up all cute and Christmassy. It's unbelievable the number of underground operations in my house. I wonder what Kate's got going on in the Jungle.....
I'm auditioning for the mainstage on Friday. I have my monologue picked out, memorized relatively well but I'm still pretty nervous. Wish me luck?
One last night: I have some pretty unbelievable plans in the making. A lot depends on February though and what that cold, miserable, blistery month has to offer. If all goes well I can look forward to an amazing experience. I won't say more...I'm kind of superstitious.
ALTHOUGH....I broke a gigantic mirror a few days ago and the next day I defied superstition and something very luck happened to me. But that could just be a one time thing....you still couldn't pay me 100 bucks to look into a bathroom mirror at midnight. Medusa works in mysterious ways. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then perhaps my childhood was just a little bit more different than yours!
Peace and Love
-Berky