Really....come on.

So guess what I should totally be doing right now? No, no! I want you to guess....

Sleeping? OK, that's a good try but no. I should definitely not be sleeping.
Eating? I am eating (an egg salad sandwich courtesy of my mama).
Studying for the midterm worth 25% that I have tomorrow morning on Theories of Drama and Theatre? Gosh, how'd you know!? So specific and yet, you totally knew. Been spying on me or something?

OKAY! Let's play another game! It's called what should I totally not be doing right now? Three guesses.

Blogging? Man, you're a real winner! I'm guessing it was a total shot in the dark? You're just lucky...

Oh? You wanna guess something else?

Reading about James Franco on Wikipedia? Man, you're good...you're real good.

You must admit though, James Franco's life is, like, 100 bajillion times more interesting than what Diderot had to say about theatre in the 1700s. Let's not kid ourselves, OK? In the game of Who Is Way More Awesome I'm pretty sure James is the clear winner. How about we look at a few facts to back up my theory?

James Franco:

1. He has (maybe is working on getting) a PhD in English from Yale University. Yale. YALE, for god's sake!
2. He's pretty much stoned 99.9% of the time and yet he hosted the freakin' Oscars. The Oscars! He faced 3 billion people last night, ripped off of his face and he looked good doing it.
and
3. He looks like this:

ALL OF THE TIME.

Denis Diderot:

1. He was a French philosopher, art critic and writer in the Enlightenment. So in layman's terms he was a pretentious old man with really lame and totally complicated opinions on theatre.

2. He was probably not stoned 99.9% of the time but claimed that he was all "Enlightened and stuff".Yeah freakin' right.

and

3. He looked like this:

Oh god, all. of. the. time.

(And women had affairs with this guy....what has the 18th century come to?!)

So you see, James wins. 

I know I should be studying but who are you to tell me what to do? Are you my mom? Because if you are....HEY MOM, I'M TOTALLY STOKED FOR SOUTH PACIFIC TOMORROW! :) But if you aren't....please understand that I am one of two things (if not both):

1. A girl who has crushes on celebrities

and/or

2. In denial about school and midterms and really important stuff like that.

But I've kind of gotten it all out of my system and I really do think that a few hours of serious studying will make watching 3 straight hours of How I Met Your Mother all the more satisfying. 

And who wants to watch their favourite television show with that ugly, guilty conscious thing goin' on? Really...

 

It's OK if you don't read this....

I don't know what to write about.
I'm fiercely cold but that really gives me no material to work with.
I spent the afternoon today shopping, laughing and all around being awesome with my bestie but we live on a "you had to be there" basis so nothing doin' there either.
I just commented on a bunch of pictures my brother posted of our Québec City reading week trip so that was great.
But honestly, beyond that there's not much to say.


I'm heading back to school-land on Monday morning only to return (if all goes well) Tuesday afternoon so I can go see South Pacific! (a musical) with my mom. I think I'll probably just stay in Toronto for the rest of the week/weekend because there's not much point in going back. And my mom doesn't seem to mind the idea of me skipping class...she kind of suggested it herself.


That's my plan, anyway. If all goes well.


I wish there was more to say. Sam's blog is far more interesting, let me just tell you. I wish I had the guts to be so honest. Kudos, man.


Well, I guess that's it. What a waste of time.


Sorry.

Welcome home, self!

So, I got billed today, by OSAP, for 23,000 some-odd dollars accompanied by a $65 cheque from the Government of Ontario. Because this province is just so kind to us really, really poor students.

In fact, Ontario's "motto" is Ut incepit Fidelis sic permanet, Latin for Loyal she began, loyal she remains. Yeah, I only remain loyal because I have no other choice, dumbass. I'm pretty sure people go to jail for robbing banks in this country so what else am I supposed to do but take your money now and owe it back to you later, with massive interest?

Also, Toronto doesn't exactly take good care of its homeless so begging on the street corner is out too, I guess.

You know, I act all indifferent and cool like "What? I owe half a bajillion Imperial Credit to Jabba the Hut? Am I worried? No way, it's totally fine...." but on the inside I'm actually all like "Shit man, I gotta go find myself some sweet Jedi friends (and maybe a princess) so this debt can be erased through a series of galaxy changing awesomeness!"


And Jay says I lose 1000 points. If anything, he loses 1000 points for having no faith in me.

I'm back home for the night and then Quebec City tomorrow. Oh reading week, you're so awesome.

Well, that's all for me. Time to go eat some delicious, if not slightly over cooked, pizza, watched How I Met Your Mother and chill with my dog.


Take care of my ladies, boys!

xoxo! See y'all on the other side of reading week!

-Berk

Friend and Flash Crushes

Over time I have developed several theories on relationships (platonic or sexual) and I feel it's time to share these with the internet.

The first is something I like to call "Friend Crushes". These usually happen to me when I really want to be friends with a friend-of-a-friend. I call them "crushes" because you try as hard as you can to find yourself in social situations where this person is, without looking like you're trying too hard. You have no actual feelings for them beyond just really, really wanting to hang out...all the time. The same degree of excitement arises when you see them because you know just how awesome they are. You may show signs of nervousness or shyness resulting in blushing or unexpected giggle fits but do not be alarmed: these are typical symptoms shown in almost everyone with a Friend Crush. Just go with the flow and allow yourself to become friends with this person. It'll be great, I promise. I know.

The second theory is something I like to call "Flash Crushes". These usually involve crushing on the least likely person you could ever imagine. You know that guy with kind of bad teeth, longer hair than you're used to and a bad sense of style? Well, he's actually kind of cute, eh? And normally I would promote going for any one that you're interested in but these Flash Crushes also tend to be on people who are taken, genuinely not interested or strangers (more-or-less). So, in order to be prepared for one of these Flashes, let me give you some very important information.
Flash Crushes need a 48 hour incubation period in order for the feelings to grow, take over and then fade away. To survive these situations one must avoid being exposed to their "crush" more than 2 times over the course of 48 hours. Chance of survival rises incrementally and past 2 days all signs of The Flash should have disappeared (or in rare cases, should be disappearing). However, exposure within the time period is highly dangerous and often leads to less than satisfactory conclusions. Remain at home and if this is not possible avoid any social situation where said crush may be. If, by chance, you have classes with this person keep your mind occupied as Flash Crushes have been known to take over completely and consume the victim. Once out of the incubation period, put your mind to other things and do not (under any circumstance) think about the person, talk about the person or even go so far as to think about them in association with something else (like other friends or social situations). Your run the risk of reigniting a much harder to put out flame if you reintroduce your thoughts to a past "Flash Crush".

I hope this has helped!

-Berk

Today is the day....

It's Valentine's Day. And here's how I feel about it....

I don't think my opinion of this day has ever really changed. When I was single and naive and crushin' on the same guy for, like, 5 years I thought Valentine's Day was pretty cool. But I didn't raise my expectations higher than I knew the guy would go. So, I was never disappointed when, on that fateful day each year for 5 years, he didn't even look at me long enough for me to pretend he was "saying something" with his eyes.
And then when I was in a relationship I didn't really see the point in putting pressure on my boyfriend to go all fancy and lovey-dovey on me. We made dinner together, ate dessert in our underwear and watched Cool Runnings (the most magical moment of the night: when he cried at the end of the movie). And now that I'm single again I'm just happy that the people who are in a relationship are able to spent it with the girl or guy they're dating.

Tonight, I have a midterm to write. But I'm not bitter that I have to do it on Valentine's Day. I'm just bitter because midterms suck and I have to miss speed dating with all my friends.

But, honestly, folks: Valentine's Day is nice. It's not for everyone and you don't have to buy into any of the corporate nonsense but if you love your room mates or your friends or your parents a little bit more today that's OK. Your love won't be any less real just because you're admitting to it with a box of chocolate or a cute homemade card.

We should all, always, try and be like Ralphie.

True innocence at its best.

Peace and Love, everyone.

xoxoxooxoxox

-Beck

Sam, King of Narnia......he wishes.

Sam is rumbling but I guess that's what you get when you have a new job. Late nights, early mornings, late nights again because you slept all afternoon recuperating from your early morning.

That's what "they" call a vicious circle. Or cycle. I'm not actually sure which one...my mom sat me down one afternoon and complained, for a long time, about how people use "sour grapes" wrong and say "vicious circle/cycle" instead of "vicious circle/cycle". But I don't remember which one is right so everything I just said should just be bleached from your minds.

I'm not even sure what the difference between a circle and a cycle is if the cycle is in a circular shape.
If one should place arrows on a circle doesn't that change it into a cycle?

Why are words so funny to look at?

In the past, people have asked me what my favourite word is and I have yet to answer that question. There are just a lot of words that are cool or nice or funny but none have ever stuck out. At one point I thought bungalow was my favourite...it's not. I overuse the word "lady" but that doesn't mean I want to marry it. I'll have to think about it and get back to you, I guess...

I'm suffering from post-inappropriately-timed-nap grumpiness. This happens to me when I fall asleep when I shouldn't. Like in class or when I have an essay to write. But Isenberg is like a sedative for me. Next 20 hour flight I'm on I'll just read The Destruction of the Bison and sleep peacefully until we reach our destination. Actually, Isenberg is so boring that the next time I need surgery I'll just ask the doctor to forego the anesthetics and give me one of his books instead. And I know, sleeping doesn't normally stop you from feeling pain but let me just tell you, Isenberg literally makes me numb.

I think I must have been so sleepy because I went for a walk to the pet store today. I needed to buy some vitamins for the ladies because they've been sneezing a lot lately and making me nervous. I hope it works because if not, I'm going to spend about the cost of 10 rats per rat at a vet. Lady Linus, Madam Milo and Duchess of Chesmo all came to about 8 dollars each....you do the math. I already have cupcake on my sheets so I don't want to add vomit.

Don't get me wrong, I will spend as much money as I need on my girls! I love them but I won't lie....that much money seems a little excessive for the size of the darn things. I could probably get knee surgery for less and that's my knee we're talking about!

But, the vitamins will work because they're resilient little rats and they don't seem to be showing any other signs of distress. Wish them luck, though, just because they're so cute. (As we speak, Milo is drinking the vitamin water....and rubbing it all over her face. Her fur will be healthy?)

Well,  I'm going to go eat some HOMEMADE sushi and watch a zombie movie because nothing says Awesome Sunday Night like screaming at the top of my lungs with rice hanging out of my mouth.

Wish me luck too. No vitamins will protect me from the zombie virus, Mom!

Sociopaths....everywhere!

If there is one thing in this world that I cannot stand it's people who unload their problems onto strangers. Friends are one thing but complete strangers...it's not fair.

This may sound heartless but I don't care about your problems, especially when I didn't catch your name because the music at the bar we're in is too loud. It's just illogical to sit down with someone you've never met, or stand in the middle of the dance floor for that matter, and tell them your really troubling life story.

If you feel like "we connect on some other level" then get my phone number, take me out, become my friend and then tell me how you have murderous tendencies. At least then I have the outlet (like contact with friends and family) to get you help. But at 2:30 in the morning the most I can do is hope you don't get all murderous on me.

I like to help people, so don't think that I'm some self-absorbed person. If you're someone who I know and trust and feel something for then I will put aside what I'm doing to be there for you. But if you ruin my night out with friends because you "trust" me (the complete stranger that I am) I will feel nothing but irritation.

I know it sounds worse than it is. As a general rule, I like people. I'm just tired of drama because there's so much out there to love and believe in.

But last night was fun.

In my imagination, I'm Indiana Jones' daughter.

I've been known to overreact to things. I have a self-proclaimed "hot temper". I'd be the first to admit that I'll bite your face off (with words) if you get on my wrong side. But mostly these reactions are justified.

Sometimes they're not.

Like today at the microwave in the UC when a girl asked the simple question "Is glass OK in the microwave?" and I almost lost it.

I'm volatile right now. Like a volcano that's just about to erupt. Like the grumblings of the earth's crust minutes before a class 8 earthquake. Like a hurricane building up speed over the ocean.

Remember that cute little, warm and fuzzy bear wearing a red hat I was talking about yesterday? Now he's more like a really pissed off Grizzly Bear with a porcupine needle in his paw.

OK, I'm not that bad. I just don't understand why people ask stupid questions. I think that's it. Don't ask me stupid questions (or ask them within a 50 metre radius, for that matter) and the bear will continue to....purr(?)

On another note: my travel plans keep changing. Not that they were ever concrete but if I had a penny for every time I said I was going to Rwanda or Spain I'd be one rich lady.

If I was Indy

this would be my map.



I had epic plans to spend the time between class and swimming working on the second half of my 1000-ish word essay but I forgot to email the first half to myself so now I'm in the library blogging. I thought about sending it to myself so that's, like, half the work....right?

I would like some credit, however, for actually getting up this morning, eating breakfast, receving an important phone call, making it to school on time and successfully writing a quiz all before noon.

Gotta go swim now.

Tschuss.

-Berky

7 WHOLE DAYS TIL THE 14TH!

And you thought this blog entry was going to be about Valentine's Day....





YOU'RE WRONG.




If I talked to myself (which I've never been known to do...ever) I would probably sit myself down on some really comfortable couch, put both my hands on my own knees, look straight into my own eyes and say "whoa, slow it down, buddy."
You know why?
Because I just got through (about) half of a 1000-ish word essay due NEXT monday. Yes, that's right. On the 14th. What day is it today? What? It's only the 7th?!

Whoa, slow it down, buddy!

I'm not entirely sure what's possessing me to start so early. A little bit of it is that I'm actually interested in what I'm writing about but the bigger part of it is that I did --------------------------------------> this much of nothing on the weekend and I have to make up for it, somehow. 

Also, I got a 62% on my first online discussion for the same class because I'm dumb and I didn't post enough times. Lost 25%. That's huge. I'm dumb. Gotta make up for it, somehow.

You know, I'm starting to feel like I'm on the brink of actually caring about school. Like, just over on the other side of that really big mountain of procrastination and denial (that I'm a billion dollars in debt, jobless and have one year left of university) there's some hope that what I've spent all my money on is going to be worth it in the end.

Which is why I don't like to go out as much. I know, I'm 20 years old and I should be spending all of my time drunk but I don't feel it anymore. This could also be due to the fact that it's friggen cold out and I hate waiting for the bus or trying to get a taxi at 3 am, in less than Arctic-appropriate clothes with drunken idiots making inappropriate comments about all things that are more or less private.

Except, Saturday was an exception to this. Because just about everyone I talked to seemed really chill and funny and totally OK with having normal....(ok, drunken) but platonic conversations.



Like the guys at the bus stop. Now that was awesome. So, this one guy (who I will hereby refer to as The Stoned Guy) was talking about how cold it was and how he was going to start building an igloo if the bus didn't come soon. I told The Stoned Guy his best bet was to conserve body heat by getting all snuggly with his friends. However, he took this as an opportunity to vigorously rub my back (which was awesome, cause it felt warm)  but then suddenly, with absolutely no provocation, he whispered into my ear (loudly, so that the other dudes we were with could hear too) "This guy's been talking shit about you all week" and then basically winds me up with the hand motion on my back and pushes me into the centre of the circle. I'd never met the guy (hereby referred to as Blue Hood) The Stoned Guy was talking about and Blue Hood looked at me like "Am I supposed to know you?" I jokingly confronted him saying "what the hell have you been saying about me?" and he jokingly replied "Shit man, so much stuff".

That's awesome. People who aren't afraid to act a little silly, make friends (even if for only 5 minutes) and have a good time. I'm tired of talking to people outside a bar (mostly guys because they're, ultimately, more entertaining) but feeling like he has an agenda and he's hoping that I'm interested in filling up one of his time slots. I'm not.

This week feels like a good week. The little guy inside me (oddly, I'm picturing a tiny bear wearing a red hat) is all warm and fuzzy and ready to actually accomplish stuff.

This actually isn't what I was imaging

but how awesome would it be

if Paddington Bear lived inside of me??

Also, nothing starts a week off better than a sexy guy with wit and good looks.

That's me. Stealing Sam's sign off because he's sleeping, therefore ignoring me and now I'm pissed off.







Joking.





PS: First time I've ever referred to Sunday as the start of the week. Times, they are a-changin'.

Mr. Monolopy's going to steal your MONEY!!!!

OK, so it's like this:

I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth (if I know where my toothbrush is), get dressed, put my contacts on (if I'm feeling ambitious), sit around in the living room for a while and then run outside to the corner and, if I'm lucky, catch the bus, ride it to school, go to class, go swimming if it's Tuesday or Thursday, come home, eat some food, mess around for a bit and then go to bed.

Interesting, right?
WRONG.

Well, fine, it's not like it's not interesting but it's definitely not blog worthy. My life just hasn't been bloggable lately. And I don't know how to remedy this.

Gosh, I can't really even think of what I did this week...specifically.

Wednesday was a snow day (because there some white stuff on the ground........CALL IN THE MILITARY, WE'VE GOT SNOW!). Talk about overreaction, city. Actually, my guess is that after talking up the "storm of the century" like everyone was the school felt like it wouldn't be right to not call a snow day. So instead of just toughing it out, or saving the Get-out-of-school-free card until a day that's, like, actually cold and snowy they just freaked out and let everyone stay home.

But from what I gathered not a lot of people appreciate the day, anyway. Most of us didn't have class or wouldn't have gone regardless. What a waste. We didn't even get to pass GO and collect $200.

I'd be almost tempted to say that last week was all a dream. I went swimming and because that's tiring I slept a lot more than usual. And a lot earlier.

Chotch and I rented a truck load of movies. OK, we rent 3 and bought 1 but still, that's sweet. We watched Cloverfield and Star Trek on the first day and then last night watched The Departed which is.....well.....good and stuff?

It really was good...or could've been good....if I'd been paying a little bit more attention. In the end I understood everything. Matt Damon didn't even look that sexy, so maybe that's why I was having such a hard time taking it seriously. I'm just still not sure whether it was supposed to be a serious drama or a comedy drama. Anyway, if I saw anything else bad about it it's an almost guarantee that Sam will throw something at me.

I've been riding the emotional roller coaster today. Mostly good vibrations. Tired vibrations right now though...

Speaking of good vibrations....I have a theory:

So when you're having a good time (like a really good time) you tend to be doing something that makes you lose brain cells. Those brains cells get sucked out of your head into little tubes and then explode out into the air...creating good vibrations. Which is why, when you're having a really good time, so is almost everyone else. Unless they have a thick skull, like Sam.

OUCH!


That was just me anticipating the bottle or rock he's going to throw at my head.

I may be going to Rwanda with Emmanuel and Lo. I could say the same thing about going to the Moon but we all have dreams......

Unfortunately, the place in my head that I designate entirely to blog ideas and actual blog writing seems to be empty. Completely empty. I'm sorry my week has been less than satisfactory. I enjoyed it but it just didn't translate on here.

Help me summon the will power to go out tonight.....on the count of three we all have to shout as loud as we can.
1....



2.....



3.....




nothing....?

Awesome.