Thoughts and things and things and thoughts

You know, it's not very often that commercials border on entertaining AND accurate but every once in a while "they" strike it big.

Take any cat treat commercial in which a human shakes a bag of treats and a cat runs half way across the city to get some. I've done that. 


There's something about those treats that make cats go absolutely insane. And come home, like, right away.


But, the big question is, what's with catnip?

There are not many animals on this planet who spend one quarter of their life being a total jerk, 1 quarter of their life sleeping, 1 quarter of their life hunting/eating and the last quarter acting like a crazed addict in desperate need of a fix.

REMIX

You know, it's very often that commercials border on infuriating AND annoying but every once in a while "they" really piss me off.

Take that car commercial in which a little girl goes into great detail about a van while her parents stand in the background acting like complete and utter idiots. I can't stand it. 

There's absolutely nothing about this commercial that could ever make me interested in that car. Or go insane for a car either. In fact it just makes me want to scream, like, right away. 

But, the big question is, what's with annoying kids?

This is the only car a kid should be trying to sell or for that matter giving two damns about. When has a five year old ever cared about a 6V engine or whatever?

AND THEN THE OTHER THINGS BOUNCING AROUND IN MY HEAD

Imagine you're a buffalo calf and you've just escaped from a lion....you would have so much street cred! People couldn't say SHIT.

I never want to be a male Emperor penguin because they have an unbelievably lame existence. They have to guard their eggs for four sunless months in the stupidly cold Antarctic without eating or drinking. Poor bastards.

Ever thought about the fact that ants were born ants? What a shitty deal. What if one of the workers' last life was as, like, Gandhi or some shit?

I believe that I may have revolutionized terrorism for everyone because the best way to get a chemical weapon across a heavily protected border would be to attach it to a time release bomb, equipped with a video camera to insure that the bird has entered the targeted area....right?