Someone asked me yesterday whether you and I were close and it got me thinking: you had the gift for making anyone feel like they were your closest and dearest friend. We weren't, in all reality, but if I saw you in the library, getting your coffee from Mack's, I knew you'd wave, say hi and ask me about my day. And I knew that when I told you about how busy I was or complained about the cold weather you were listening and cared. Because that was your gift, Paul.
You were also an incredibly talented man who had the patience to teach even the least handy of people how to drill nails into a piece of wood! And you never grew weary of answering my questions about which drill bit would work best because when I was rounding out the edges of my 15th nail or returning with yet again the wrong tool you weren't my teacher, you were my friend and colleague. An often endless source of cheerful encouragement.
People like you come few and far between. I am blessed to have laughed with you, blessed to have shared frustrations and joys with you and honoured to have had the opportunity to create such beautiful and exciting things with such a talented man.
I will forever miss you, Paul, and be deeply grateful for the things about life that you taught me.
Good-bye....
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thoughts as Year Four comes to an end.
(This is directly transcribed for a real conversation I had. I am "M", "A" will remain undisclosed.)
M: I'm not cut out for school. I find it a selfish thing. I want to "better myself through education"? Bullshit. I want to make people think I'm smarter because I went to university. But the truth is, I feel dumber. I feel inadequate and often question my own ability to function in the "real world". For crying out loud, I can't even handle one tiny little assignment never mind get it in on time! But then I stop and think that I'll probably do better "in the real world" because there, whatever it is I'm doing, I'm doing for others. Like teaching. Or being a mom.
But I have to have an education. "They" say so. So, I go to class and I try my hardest to be engaged and pay attention and be a good little girl but what actually happens is I forget to hand in an assignment or I fail a class and I equate this with FAILING life.
And no one tells me "wow, you're really good with kids" and then says "and it'll get you far in life". No, it's "go to school and learn how to be good with kids and then you'll make money. don't finish an assignment? FAIL."
A: Is this new to you? That's capitalism, you know?
M: It's just frustrating. Reading about capitalism is one thing, living it is another. I don't want to. It's bullshit to me. And I just don't want to have to lie about what I'm interested in....
A: You wanna move to China? It sucks but that's the way it is...
M: OK. I understand I can't change the world I'm living in by throwing a fit but I also don't like what it does to my psyche every time I don't do well, academically. And I don't think I should stand for it. I do but I don't think I should. It feels like I'm being forced into something because that's the norm. The norm is make money or die. What kind of fucking norm is that?
A: It's sad but there is no way of changing it, there are too many people who gain from this system and funnily enough because of the system they are the most powerful.
A: I don't like this idea capitalism puts in our minds that if you're not financially or academically better than someone else you're inadequate. How does this enforce positive human values? Do people even care about positive human values anymore or is it all about "ME, ME, ME"? I'm really sad now...thinking that the world is such a shitty place for people like me.
M: I'm not cut out for school. I find it a selfish thing. I want to "better myself through education"? Bullshit. I want to make people think I'm smarter because I went to university. But the truth is, I feel dumber. I feel inadequate and often question my own ability to function in the "real world". For crying out loud, I can't even handle one tiny little assignment never mind get it in on time! But then I stop and think that I'll probably do better "in the real world" because there, whatever it is I'm doing, I'm doing for others. Like teaching. Or being a mom.
But I have to have an education. "They" say so. So, I go to class and I try my hardest to be engaged and pay attention and be a good little girl but what actually happens is I forget to hand in an assignment or I fail a class and I equate this with FAILING life.
And no one tells me "wow, you're really good with kids" and then says "and it'll get you far in life". No, it's "go to school and learn how to be good with kids and then you'll make money. don't finish an assignment? FAIL."
A: Is this new to you? That's capitalism, you know?
M: It's just frustrating. Reading about capitalism is one thing, living it is another. I don't want to. It's bullshit to me. And I just don't want to have to lie about what I'm interested in....
A: You wanna move to China? It sucks but that's the way it is...
M: OK. I understand I can't change the world I'm living in by throwing a fit but I also don't like what it does to my psyche every time I don't do well, academically. And I don't think I should stand for it. I do but I don't think I should. It feels like I'm being forced into something because that's the norm. The norm is make money or die. What kind of fucking norm is that?
A: It's sad but there is no way of changing it, there are too many people who gain from this system and funnily enough because of the system they are the most powerful.
A: I don't like this idea capitalism puts in our minds that if you're not financially or academically better than someone else you're inadequate. How does this enforce positive human values? Do people even care about positive human values anymore or is it all about "ME, ME, ME"? I'm really sad now...thinking that the world is such a shitty place for people like me.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Once upon a time....
Tell my life story, eh?
It's amazing that the people behind Facebook consider what I put on Facebook my "life story". If that's the case, I have the most depressing, alcohol infused, drug addled life ever.
So, no thank you Mr. Zuckerberg or whoever's in charge of the "new kind of profile"; I'm going to stick to posting images, comments and other such embarassing nonsense in peace. I'd like to avoid "tracking my stupidity" for as long as possible.
Other than that, see you soon!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
meerrrr
Been in Israel for something like 3 weeks and....
I can't remember what a Sharpengark looks like!
I can't remember what a Sharpengark looks like!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Sababah and all but...
Where do I start...?
What with everything that's being going on, the last 2 weeks, it would be impossible to choose just one story to start with....the best I can offer is a concise version of what I've done since I took off from Pearson Airport all those many "months" ago...
Before Israel was even really a reality, I was waking up December 25th to a house full of delicious smells, presents to wrap and a suitcase to pack. I knew it was important that I get my stuff together but everything I saw, heard or smelt came as an unwanted distraction. It wasn't until well after Christmas dinner and very late into the night that I finally opened my suitcase and began to organize. Nothing is harder, however, than choosing what's essential and what's not so if you look at what I brought, you'll realize I came as minimally prepared, for this trip, as possible. One small "carry on luggage" size suitcase to my 10 days worth of stuff. Totally worth it.
Upon actually packing and squeezing in a few hours of sleep, I woke up the morning of Dec 26th absolutely and finally sure of one thing: Israel is real. I had no clue what was waiting for me yet, after all those months of preparation, I was finally going to Israel!
The truth is, after this part of the story my entire Taglit-Birthright experience jumbles into one giant awesome moment in time. Nothing and everything stands out to me as the "greatest" moment of the trip; every second of every day was a new experience and nothing was a waste of mine, or anyone's, time. There are, of course, points on this trip that I would have loved to experience for longer and others that could have been shorter but I truly loved every day as much as the next.
My only complaint, while we're talking about the experience [as a whole], is that there's not much emphasis on the cultural, day-to-day aspects of Israeli life. We talk politics and religion but don't touch on language or daily expectations. As a Canadian who found the historical, physical and communal aspects of Israel so appealing I feel as though it is the job of Taglit-Birthright to share some knowledge of what it takes to live here. So far, on my extension, I've gotten a feel for what's acceptable and what's not but who am I to know? But this is really my only complaint about the experience.
As for those individual moments on the Taglit-Birthright-Tel Aviv Extension timeline, I will name only a few.
1. At the Kibbutz, on the first night (or was it second?) absolutely losing it with Erin. And so began the first of ten extremely outrageous days/nights.
2. Finding those hammocks, in Tzfat, with Adam and talking about a lot of really interesting things. And so began the cutest friendship of all!
3. Hiking the Golan Heights and laughing the whole way up and down.
4. Meeting the soldiers. Enough said.
5. Sharing in some of the most life changing conversations ever (I'm talking about you, New Year's Eve!).
6. Raptoring absolutely everywhere with Kelsey and creating the 10 Commandments of Our Religion.
7. New Year's Eve, itself, because everything worked out so beautifully.
8. The pinpoint in time when I knew, for real, that fate exists.
9. Bissli in Jerusalem.
and
10. Sleeping on the streets in front of the Azrieli Centre with nothing but a vague concept of what 2 weeks longer in Israel is capable of.
The examples I've just given are only a taste of what I've done and expect to do and I can't wait for the next pinpoint moment when I'll be reminded, again, how lucky I am to be alive.
If I wasn't so OCD about lists (you know what I'm talking about 353) I would make an 11th point. Actually, I'm going to make it even though it takes a lot out of me to see a list end in an odd number...
11. Laughter (and I apologize for the cliché) is the greatest medicine. Or gift. Use it whenever, wherever and however. Laughter is impossible to force because everything is funny. Of course there are times to laugh and there are times to remain quiet but never deny yourself laughter. If I've learned anything here it's that people are great! Everyone is capable of being hilariously funny or unbelievably wise and I could not have chosen a better way to spend my winter holidays!
I truly appreciate everything that happened to me these last 2 weeks. Somehow, everyone made their mark and I'll be forever indebted to them for the possibilities they've created. And what's so beautiful about it all is how unconscious this change has been. From one morning to the next I understood my position in this world and I owe it a million times to my beloved Taglit-ers.
What with everything that's being going on, the last 2 weeks, it would be impossible to choose just one story to start with....the best I can offer is a concise version of what I've done since I took off from Pearson Airport all those many "months" ago...
Before Israel was even really a reality, I was waking up December 25th to a house full of delicious smells, presents to wrap and a suitcase to pack. I knew it was important that I get my stuff together but everything I saw, heard or smelt came as an unwanted distraction. It wasn't until well after Christmas dinner and very late into the night that I finally opened my suitcase and began to organize. Nothing is harder, however, than choosing what's essential and what's not so if you look at what I brought, you'll realize I came as minimally prepared, for this trip, as possible. One small "carry on luggage" size suitcase to my 10 days worth of stuff. Totally worth it.
Upon actually packing and squeezing in a few hours of sleep, I woke up the morning of Dec 26th absolutely and finally sure of one thing: Israel is real. I had no clue what was waiting for me yet, after all those months of preparation, I was finally going to Israel!
The truth is, after this part of the story my entire Taglit-Birthright experience jumbles into one giant awesome moment in time. Nothing and everything stands out to me as the "greatest" moment of the trip; every second of every day was a new experience and nothing was a waste of mine, or anyone's, time. There are, of course, points on this trip that I would have loved to experience for longer and others that could have been shorter but I truly loved every day as much as the next.
My only complaint, while we're talking about the experience [as a whole], is that there's not much emphasis on the cultural, day-to-day aspects of Israeli life. We talk politics and religion but don't touch on language or daily expectations. As a Canadian who found the historical, physical and communal aspects of Israel so appealing I feel as though it is the job of Taglit-Birthright to share some knowledge of what it takes to live here. So far, on my extension, I've gotten a feel for what's acceptable and what's not but who am I to know? But this is really my only complaint about the experience.
As for those individual moments on the Taglit-Birthright-Tel Aviv Extension timeline, I will name only a few.
1. At the Kibbutz, on the first night (or was it second?) absolutely losing it with Erin. And so began the first of ten extremely outrageous days/nights.
2. Finding those hammocks, in Tzfat, with Adam and talking about a lot of really interesting things. And so began the cutest friendship of all!
3. Hiking the Golan Heights and laughing the whole way up and down.
4. Meeting the soldiers. Enough said.
5. Sharing in some of the most life changing conversations ever (I'm talking about you, New Year's Eve!).
6. Raptoring absolutely everywhere with Kelsey and creating the 10 Commandments of Our Religion.
7. New Year's Eve, itself, because everything worked out so beautifully.
8. The pinpoint in time when I knew, for real, that fate exists.
9. Bissli in Jerusalem.
and
10. Sleeping on the streets in front of the Azrieli Centre with nothing but a vague concept of what 2 weeks longer in Israel is capable of.
The examples I've just given are only a taste of what I've done and expect to do and I can't wait for the next pinpoint moment when I'll be reminded, again, how lucky I am to be alive.
If I wasn't so OCD about lists (you know what I'm talking about 353) I would make an 11th point. Actually, I'm going to make it even though it takes a lot out of me to see a list end in an odd number...
11. Laughter (and I apologize for the cliché) is the greatest medicine. Or gift. Use it whenever, wherever and however. Laughter is impossible to force because everything is funny. Of course there are times to laugh and there are times to remain quiet but never deny yourself laughter. If I've learned anything here it's that people are great! Everyone is capable of being hilariously funny or unbelievably wise and I could not have chosen a better way to spend my winter holidays!
I truly appreciate everything that happened to me these last 2 weeks. Somehow, everyone made their mark and I'll be forever indebted to them for the possibilities they've created. And what's so beautiful about it all is how unconscious this change has been. From one morning to the next I understood my position in this world and I owe it a million times to my beloved Taglit-ers.
Here we all are!
xoxo
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Oh look, I have to pee again!
I think I drink 2 large coffees a day just so that I'll have an excuse to go pee later and not have to study.
I appreciate how irrational this is but desperate times call for desperate measures!
You know, I'd love to be able to study philosophy 3 days straight and not start looking for any excuse to procrastinate....but when I'm hungry, which is just a thing that I always am, I'm not going to walk to the UC with shoe laces that aren't tied up perfectly. Nor am I going to start taking notes when I have three facebook notifications. They're only going to be distraction!
I've also noticed that exam time is when the studious by-semester kids stay home and drink and the slacker by-semester kids spend countless hours, in the library, trying to figure out where their lives went wrong.
I'm one of those slacker kids who more or less knows that the next 2 days in the library is going to be the only time I will ever actually get anything out of my textbook...so I better make sure the bobby pins and 12 packs of sugar I took from Mack's are lined up perfectly or else I'll never get anything done!
Signing out from my post on the 1st floor.......see you on the other side of bullshitosophy!
I appreciate how irrational this is but desperate times call for desperate measures!
You know, I'd love to be able to study philosophy 3 days straight and not start looking for any excuse to procrastinate....but when I'm hungry, which is just a thing that I always am, I'm not going to walk to the UC with shoe laces that aren't tied up perfectly. Nor am I going to start taking notes when I have three facebook notifications. They're only going to be distraction!
I've also noticed that exam time is when the studious by-semester kids stay home and drink and the slacker by-semester kids spend countless hours, in the library, trying to figure out where their lives went wrong.
I'm one of those slacker kids who more or less knows that the next 2 days in the library is going to be the only time I will ever actually get anything out of my textbook...so I better make sure the bobby pins and 12 packs of sugar I took from Mack's are lined up perfectly or else I'll never get anything done!
Signing out from my post on the 1st floor.......see you on the other side of bullshitosophy!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Man against Machine Episode 3: Before the end of Time!
Oh dear god, I have ten minutes to post this blog!
9 minutes now.
I can't think of anything to talk about....other than this epic battle of man against time!
If the world was going to end in 10 minutes I would have the following things to say:
1. I love you all
2. After you guys I love the show Community
3. After that, I would want to talk about how friggen weird Community is starting to get. Not in a bad way but just in a it's kind of been mirroring my actions a lot lately kind of way.
4. Oh well, c'est le vie!
which brings me to my fifth and final thing
5. We've all done stuff in our lives that we regret but then we all also experience those moments when we know that that's OK. You're not always going to be happy but if you understand that it's all just apart of life then you'll stop battling time and learn to dance to whatever music is playing.
(4 minutes left until the end and I can't help but think that the Bob Dylan playing somewhere in the background is eerily appropriate)
2 minutes....
1 minute....
9 minutes now.
I can't think of anything to talk about....other than this epic battle of man against time!
If the world was going to end in 10 minutes I would have the following things to say:
1. I love you all
2. After you guys I love the show Community
3. After that, I would want to talk about how friggen weird Community is starting to get. Not in a bad way but just in a it's kind of been mirroring my actions a lot lately kind of way.
4. Oh well, c'est le vie!
which brings me to my fifth and final thing
5. We've all done stuff in our lives that we regret but then we all also experience those moments when we know that that's OK. You're not always going to be happy but if you understand that it's all just apart of life then you'll stop battling time and learn to dance to whatever music is playing.
(4 minutes left until the end and I can't help but think that the Bob Dylan playing somewhere in the background is eerily appropriate)
2 minutes....
1 minute....
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Man against Machine Episode 2: The Matrix
As requested this installment of Man against Machine will be about Krista's struggle to comment on my blog.
You know, it's no easy feat to comment on one of these things. It takes more than just writing out what you want to say and then clicking "submit". You need a google account with a unique username and password, access to an email you don't mind getting spammed every now and then with blogger related nonsense and good eye sight.
Good eyesight, you say? By that I mean the ability to effectively decipher one of these symbol decoder authentication things that websites set up so you can prove you're not a robot.
Not that anyone who would be using a robot to stream movies online or comment on amateur blogs wouldn't also have built the technology, within the robot, to decipher that code like a human.
So next time you want to say something on my blog think about how deeply you're willing to get involved, here in the infinitely wonderful cyberspace. Because once you're in, you're in. There's no going back; the internet will own your soul, have access to all your fake email addresses (or real ones), harass you daily and make you decode countless of those things (up there!) until you snap or get old and forget how to log on to your computer.
You know, it's no easy feat to comment on one of these things. It takes more than just writing out what you want to say and then clicking "submit". You need a google account with a unique username and password, access to an email you don't mind getting spammed every now and then with blogger related nonsense and good eye sight.
Good eyesight, you say? By that I mean the ability to effectively decipher one of these symbol decoder authentication things that websites set up so you can prove you're not a robot.
Not that anyone who would be using a robot to stream movies online or comment on amateur blogs wouldn't also have built the technology, within the robot, to decipher that code like a human.
So next time you want to say something on my blog think about how deeply you're willing to get involved, here in the infinitely wonderful cyberspace. Because once you're in, you're in. There's no going back; the internet will own your soul, have access to all your fake email addresses (or real ones), harass you daily and make you decode countless of those things (up there!) until you snap or get old and forget how to log on to your computer.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Man against Machine Episode 1: DW gets wet!
I'm lazy by nature which means that if there's a dirty glass, and I'm setting the table for Thanksgiving dinner, the chances are I'll put the glass out anyway, my logic being that at least I won't have to deal with it during the meal.
Except that 8 out of 10 times I'll be the one who sits down at the dirty glass seat and has to crawl over everyone to clean it up. So why not fix the problem at the source?
Well, it would take more than just telling me "Wash that glass!". In fact, it would probably take extensive psychotherapy just to come up with a legitimate cause for my laziness and then, similarly, extensive social therapy to cure my problem, on a day-to-day basis. The kind of effort commonly seen in people with "spunk".
That glass, in my opinion, is happier dirty and therefore I am happier leaving it dirty until such time as it makes my beverage look like bottled mud puddle.
Wait a minute....maybe the bigger question here is why are the dishes in my house so dirty to begin with?
God damn dishwasher and its manufactured laziness! What's worse, really? Being inherently lazy or being programmed to perform a very specific function and still do it wrong?
Yeah, my thoughts exactly.
So next time I load a bunch of dishes into your belly, DW, do the task properly. So that later on I don't look like a jackass, elbowing my grandmother in the ear as I fight my way through human limbs (some turkey too, I guess), gravy boats and vegetable dishes!
And you know what? Now that I've started a rivalry with the dishwasher the theme of this weeks blog posts will be "Man against Machine".
Friday, October 7, 2011
La la la la blah
I have to stop living in this fantasy world where my imagination is boss. Because things are starting to get out of hand and I'm deluding myself into thinking that happiness is possible. And wait, before you get all up in my grill and say something like "but you're happiness IS possible", hear me out. Certain elements of happiness are out there; in fact, they're already happening to me like great friendships and a cool university degree but what about all the restlessness and uncertainty that I'm feeling? What about the fact that the school I go to makes me feel claustrophobic or that, in one fateful moment, my chances with...well...that situation...went down the drain? I'm not one who likes to live in regret but I can't help but think that I'm falling into a bad pattern of doing things at full throttle and with my eyes closed. The world is out there, Rebecca, and all this is real. I can't keep thinking that if I think certain ways it must mean that everyone else is too. People are so inherently different from each other, a lesson I'm learning a bit too late. I mean, people's reactions to my actions can't ever mirror my own reactions to myself, can they?
Does that even make sense?
I guess what I'm saying is that I need a change. I need to get out there and see what the world has to offer. Because aside from those that I know love me and vice versa, there isn't enough energy left in me to care about a damn thing. What's the point in all the waiting and the game playing and the timing and all this nonsense when nothing's going to change unless I do something about it? Which is why I either need to pack up and go and just scream out to the world that I'm unsatisfied with it.
Pack up and go? Where? Somewhere warm, somewhere where I can wear pretty dresses and my sandals or heels if I'm feeling sexy, somewhere with fresh faces and new smells.
And if that doesn't happen then what good will screaming out my dissatisfaction do? Probably not a lot but enough that I'll feel, if only for a moment, a little relief.
I'm too young to feel like this is it and yet I know that I have years before me in which I will be in this state of uncertainty. That's just the price we pay for being young and having no experiences with life, or real life. This world I'm in of school and class and participation in discussions and drinking, smoking, sleeping in and staying up...it's all going to go away soon and I'll find reality and, oddly enough, probably like it more.
Not to say that I don't like drinking and swearing and all that fun stuff but there's no certainty right now. However, there's every bit of expectation from every angle that I have my life together. And, mark my words, I don't.
There's no accountability when you're young and, for crying out loud, I'm getting sick of that!
Time to grow up? Yeah, maybe. Or at least time to move on from this game and become a woman of action! I'm scared because I can see her, just out of reach, slowly falling into darkness at the hands of my impatient and restless inaction.
Sorry for the bummer post but I think that I needed to remind myself of what's important and hopefully, if you're reading this, you'll understand that this is more urgent than it is depressing.
I'm a perfectly content person, with myself (how I look, how I behave, who I talk to and what I believe in) so I'm not depressed...I'm just lost. I'm just in need of a little direction.
La-La Land isn't so much fun anymore.
Friday, September 30, 2011
I didn't not spell "facebook" wrong, Facebook!
Facebook is, like, the social phenomenon of the 21st Century, right?
Right.
So why is that when you type the word "facebook" onto Facebook it gets one of those you spelt this wrong, red lines underneath it?
I wish that Facebook would change that; it's so friggen annoying.
Right.
So why is that when you type the word "facebook" onto Facebook it gets one of those you spelt this wrong, red lines underneath it?
I wish that Facebook would change that; it's so friggen annoying.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Bitch, get to know me
If I had a dollar for every time I was a hypocrite (in class) I would be rich.
How rich?
Rich like I'm always a hypocrite in class.
I have beef with people who go to class all the time but never pay attention. Yet, I'm so guilty of doing it.
Like here I am, in this bloody philosophy lecture, not paying attention. This is what happened last time I went to this class, this is what happens when I'm in any class that bores me (all of them except playwrighting and tech) so why do I do it? Why do I come here?
Probably because I'm expected to.
But, I've taken this shit to a whole new level. Fuck man, I'm blogging about how I'm not paying attention.
Shit.
Peace, I'm gonna go wish I was listening to Childish Gambino. Thanks Lo-Fo!
How rich?
Rich like I'm always a hypocrite in class.
I have beef with people who go to class all the time but never pay attention. Yet, I'm so guilty of doing it.
Like here I am, in this bloody philosophy lecture, not paying attention. This is what happened last time I went to this class, this is what happens when I'm in any class that bores me (all of them except playwrighting and tech) so why do I do it? Why do I come here?
Probably because I'm expected to.
But, I've taken this shit to a whole new level. Fuck man, I'm blogging about how I'm not paying attention.
Shit.
Peace, I'm gonna go wish I was listening to Childish Gambino. Thanks Lo-Fo!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Maturing....
I haven't posted in a billion and a half years so here I am...hoping that I can come up with something interesting to say.
Probably not though, because my brain's working at about ten paces slower than the rest of my body. If I manage to get out of bed at a decent hour my brain is usually still two or three hours behind.
It has to do with the whole squeezing a weeks worth (if not more) of New York City sightseeing into three days thing. It probably also has to do with the VIP status and bottle service we got, to the club tenjune, while in NYC. And it definitely has to do with the 16 hours of running around to the 6 hours of sleep we got....
But I'm not complaining.
I'm just aware of the fact that, if you want to stay sane, you can't EVER do New York in three days.
"You must be crazy or just plain stupid!"
"Stupid is as stupid does..."
New York is one of those places that needs to be lived in or experienced through the eyes of a kid with ADHD.
That place is a blinking, shinning, twirling, speeding, popping, swirling sensory overload and when I go back (to live?) I plan on moving much more ssssssllllooooooowwwwwllyyyy....
Or else...I'll explode.
But I learned something great while there: one nice kid from the Bronx can shatter a whole lot of ignorant illusions I ever had about the dirty, grimy streets of Manhattan.
Like a gem in a puddle of mud or a shinning star in a dark night sky, Alvin from the Bronx was the uplift I needed on that horrible, horrible day.
His presence and momentary friendship gave me a sense of hope that there are truly decent people in this world and that you don't need to look far to find them. When you're 18 and you choose to spend an hour talking to a girl from Toronto (making her feel better as she almost vomits on you for asking "what on earth did you drink?") instead of out screwing around......that makes you a star.
God, my first bitter taste of...what? I'm not sure how to put it......
Well, we all rely on facebook as a way to keep in touch with the people you meet, but when I didn't exchange full names with Alvin and then went away (never to see him again) it dawned on me how significant our meeting really was.
I know I'll ever see him again but that's a bittersweet realization I've come to accept. I'll always remember him, for hist truly admirable character, and that's almost better than any correspondence we might have had over facebook.
No, I'm not in love with him.
But wouldn't it be so An Affair to Remember -ish, if I was?
In other news: out with the old, in with the new! D-Starr Beats, make way for something better......
Probably not though, because my brain's working at about ten paces slower than the rest of my body. If I manage to get out of bed at a decent hour my brain is usually still two or three hours behind.
It has to do with the whole squeezing a weeks worth (if not more) of New York City sightseeing into three days thing. It probably also has to do with the VIP status and bottle service we got, to the club tenjune, while in NYC. And it definitely has to do with the 16 hours of running around to the 6 hours of sleep we got....
But I'm not complaining.
I'm just aware of the fact that, if you want to stay sane, you can't EVER do New York in three days.
"You must be crazy or just plain stupid!"
"Stupid is as stupid does..."
New York is one of those places that needs to be lived in or experienced through the eyes of a kid with ADHD.
That place is a blinking, shinning, twirling, speeding, popping, swirling sensory overload and when I go back (to live?) I plan on moving much more ssssssllllooooooowwwwwllyyyy....
Or else...I'll explode.
But I learned something great while there: one nice kid from the Bronx can shatter a whole lot of ignorant illusions I ever had about the dirty, grimy streets of Manhattan.
Like a gem in a puddle of mud or a shinning star in a dark night sky, Alvin from the Bronx was the uplift I needed on that horrible, horrible day.
His presence and momentary friendship gave me a sense of hope that there are truly decent people in this world and that you don't need to look far to find them. When you're 18 and you choose to spend an hour talking to a girl from Toronto (making her feel better as she almost vomits on you for asking "what on earth did you drink?") instead of out screwing around......that makes you a star.
God, my first bitter taste of...what? I'm not sure how to put it......
Well, we all rely on facebook as a way to keep in touch with the people you meet, but when I didn't exchange full names with Alvin and then went away (never to see him again) it dawned on me how significant our meeting really was.
I know I'll ever see him again but that's a bittersweet realization I've come to accept. I'll always remember him, for hist truly admirable character, and that's almost better than any correspondence we might have had over facebook.
No, I'm not in love with him.
But wouldn't it be so An Affair to Remember -ish, if I was?
In other news: out with the old, in with the new! D-Starr Beats, make way for something better......
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Reading Archie Comics is like getting broken up with, then engaged and then broken up with again all in about 5 minutes....
I'm an Archie Comics fan and always have been but that doesn't make me any less sensitive to the roller-coaster like and often brutal emotions that the characters go through.
Archie's been around since the 40s and the same formula has been used ever since: boy plays a game of relationship tug-of-war between two beautiful girls, while battling egos with a cocky friend. It's simple, it's nice and sometimes the punch line is actually funny....but a recent reading of a Cheryl Blossom strip has got me thinking:
You know, after all, Veronica Lodge really is a bitch.
See, what happens is Cheryl tries to formulate a perfume that matches her personality and, after finally perfecting it, throws a launch party inviting all the (important) students from Riverdale High. At this fancy shindig Archie, Veronica and Betty complain about how bad the mosquitos are and wonder why Cheryl isn't being bothered....that is until Veronica realizes it MUST be because of the perfume. They proceed to spray it all over themselves and you know what? NO MORE MOSQUITOS! The comic ends with Cheryl telling a news reporter (??) about the embarrassing misunderstanding and Archie, Ronnie and Betty prance off together into the night laughing at poor, humiliated Cheryl.
Everyone knows that if this happened to Veronica she'd just about shit a brick.
I really think the ONLY Archie characters that have any substance are Jughead and, on occasion, Betty. Jughead is simple, he minds his own business and he stays out of trouble. Betty has a good heart and all she really wants is for Archie to like her.
Veronica is manipulative and selfish and I know that's all very obvious AND part of her character but it's awful that she calls Betty her best friend and then goes around deceiving her. Archie is a coward and a womanizer and it's a little annoying that, in the end, he always manages to get what he wants. Plus he's not really that good looking. And Reggie, well he's a jerk but he usually gets what's coming to him so he's not all bad.
I'll still read Archie Comics but I feel a little tired after I'm done....one minute Archie's taking Betty out for dinner and a movie and the next he's all wrapped up around Veronica....then the next he's taking triplets out on the same date and in the end he's buying Veronica and Betty the same Christmas present to save money.
Stand up guy, eh?
Archie's been around since the 40s and the same formula has been used ever since: boy plays a game of relationship tug-of-war between two beautiful girls, while battling egos with a cocky friend. It's simple, it's nice and sometimes the punch line is actually funny....but a recent reading of a Cheryl Blossom strip has got me thinking:
You know, after all, Veronica Lodge really is a bitch.
See, what happens is Cheryl tries to formulate a perfume that matches her personality and, after finally perfecting it, throws a launch party inviting all the (important) students from Riverdale High. At this fancy shindig Archie, Veronica and Betty complain about how bad the mosquitos are and wonder why Cheryl isn't being bothered....that is until Veronica realizes it MUST be because of the perfume. They proceed to spray it all over themselves and you know what? NO MORE MOSQUITOS! The comic ends with Cheryl telling a news reporter (??) about the embarrassing misunderstanding and Archie, Ronnie and Betty prance off together into the night laughing at poor, humiliated Cheryl.
Everyone knows that if this happened to Veronica she'd just about shit a brick.
I really think the ONLY Archie characters that have any substance are Jughead and, on occasion, Betty. Jughead is simple, he minds his own business and he stays out of trouble. Betty has a good heart and all she really wants is for Archie to like her.
Veronica is manipulative and selfish and I know that's all very obvious AND part of her character but it's awful that she calls Betty her best friend and then goes around deceiving her. Archie is a coward and a womanizer and it's a little annoying that, in the end, he always manages to get what he wants. Plus he's not really that good looking. And Reggie, well he's a jerk but he usually gets what's coming to him so he's not all bad.
I'll still read Archie Comics but I feel a little tired after I'm done....one minute Archie's taking Betty out for dinner and a movie and the next he's all wrapped up around Veronica....then the next he's taking triplets out on the same date and in the end he's buying Veronica and Betty the same Christmas present to save money.
Stand up guy, eh?
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
To Anne!
I volunteer at the Bata Shoe Museum which is a pretty spectacular place if you like shoes, different cultures or religions and spending a lot of money.
I thoroughly enjoy the work because I'm getting retail, costumer service and cash experience while sitting around chatting it up with a fabulously liberal older woman by the name of Anne. She told me a story about how she takes Zumba dance classes and, while talking to her grand-daughter over Skype, said that it's fun but she "sure can't shake her tits and ass!"
But not every co-volunteer is fun to be around. Like every other one I've been with. I don't even remember their names because they left no lasting impression except of course that they pissed me off.
So far I've volunteered with:
1. A girl who said incredibly awkward, morbid things and actually did not let me get a word in edge-wise
2. A girl from Paris who, while she was nice, was quiet and didn't take a very active role.
3. Anne. :)
4. This old lady who said "sort of" and "mind you" like 10000000 times a minute. "If you sort of combine your receipts you can do this but mind you it won't be easy!"
5. This French lady named Gigi who shouldn't be allowed near the computer. In fact, most old people shouldn't ever be allowed near computers because they type, one finger at a time without looking at the screen....multiple times Gigi entered all the wrong information, pressed enter, F9, all the commands to get to the next screen but didn't realize that a message had popped up saying "UNABLE TO COMPLETE TRANSACTION" Fuck.
But I really like Anne and we're able to talk freely and about all sorts of things so I'm really lucky to know her!
I thoroughly enjoy the work because I'm getting retail, costumer service and cash experience while sitting around chatting it up with a fabulously liberal older woman by the name of Anne. She told me a story about how she takes Zumba dance classes and, while talking to her grand-daughter over Skype, said that it's fun but she "sure can't shake her tits and ass!"
But not every co-volunteer is fun to be around. Like every other one I've been with. I don't even remember their names because they left no lasting impression except of course that they pissed me off.
So far I've volunteered with:
1. A girl who said incredibly awkward, morbid things and actually did not let me get a word in edge-wise
2. A girl from Paris who, while she was nice, was quiet and didn't take a very active role.
3. Anne. :)
4. This old lady who said "sort of" and "mind you" like 10000000 times a minute. "If you sort of combine your receipts you can do this but mind you it won't be easy!"
5. This French lady named Gigi who shouldn't be allowed near the computer. In fact, most old people shouldn't ever be allowed near computers because they type, one finger at a time without looking at the screen....multiple times Gigi entered all the wrong information, pressed enter, F9, all the commands to get to the next screen but didn't realize that a message had popped up saying "UNABLE TO COMPLETE TRANSACTION" Fuck.
Monday, July 25, 2011
It's much easier....
Over the years I've come to realize that I know more about hiding stuff from people than I do about sharing it. There are ____ reasons for this:
1. Superstition: If I tell someone about something that I like or want I run the risk of jinxing it altogether. So rather than tell my parents/friends about a passion of mine (or an action I plan on taking based on that passion) I keep it to myself until the day I'm doing or have done it.
2. Fear of judgement: Wanting a tattoo or being in a noncommittal "relationship" with someone are not things that most parents (specifically) and some friends want to hear so it's much easier to act under the radar. Whatever happens, with that tattoo or the person, happens but at least I've avoided that look. You know the one.
3. Predictable reactions: I could be a rich woman if only I'd bet $100 for every time I knew exactly what a person was going to do or say in reaction to my actions. Why not avoid admitting that you've done something so you can get past the whole "I knew you were going to say/do that!" thing.
Every once in a while I'll tell people something that I would normally have kept to myself but for the most I like living on my own terms.
1. Superstition: If I tell someone about something that I like or want I run the risk of jinxing it altogether. So rather than tell my parents/friends about a passion of mine (or an action I plan on taking based on that passion) I keep it to myself until the day I'm doing or have done it.
2. Fear of judgement: Wanting a tattoo or being in a noncommittal "relationship" with someone are not things that most parents (specifically) and some friends want to hear so it's much easier to act under the radar. Whatever happens, with that tattoo or the person, happens but at least I've avoided that look. You know the one.
3. Predictable reactions: I could be a rich woman if only I'd bet $100 for every time I knew exactly what a person was going to do or say in reaction to my actions. Why not avoid admitting that you've done something so you can get past the whole "I knew you were going to say/do that!" thing.
Every once in a while I'll tell people something that I would normally have kept to myself but for the most I like living on my own terms.
Zain, I hope you don't think I'm taking
your Cyanide and Happiness idea....
I just thought it kind of fit with the post.
Friday, July 22, 2011
oooooo ahhhhh oooo aahhhh
I go through a lot of things on flights, apparently. Here are just a few of those that I managed to jot down.
If facebook didn't say how "long ago" someone posted something we'd all spend a lot less time waiting around, perhaps creeping someone else, before a socially acceptable amount of time has passed and we can like it.
I've figured out what it is about certain people with certain behaviours that really bug me. I couldn't possibly name names and it's really no one that anyone who's reading this knows but this is it anyway: this person is the kind of person who makes everything out to sound like a proclamation or announcement. Like everything they have to say is more or less the most important/significant thing you've ever heard. The look on their face clearly indicates that they think that their words mean a lot more than they do...which is why they say things that are fairly irrelevant without realizing they just sounds plain awkward. In short phrases and with the pout of their lip they makes a statement; they are master, if only for that brief moment.
There must be something about flying that makes me get so emotional. I honestly couldn't pin point the cause because it has to go deeper than something tangible; it has to go beyond the obvious. I don't get weepy because I'm cramped or hungry or tired; I get weepy because of Justin Bieber and the Colorado river (just to use those as examples). I guess flying is just this one thing that really gets to me. It's almost unavoidable but I'm not in the least bit ashamed. Each and every time I'm up there, 30,000 feet above sea level it feels like an entirely new experience, no matter how many times I've flown. It's not like I'm fascinated by the take off or landing anymore; in fact I could do without. But that "being up there" thing transcends any experience I've ever had. I'm in love.
I rode the TTC back from the airport today, in a part-Zombie state of mind and when I got off at my stop you should be up the platform a bit but my own brother, his girlfriend and mom! It was such a coincidence, as they were out for my mom's birthday day and the chances of us riding the SAME subway was SO LOW. It was awesome!
Well, I'm back in Toronto now and it's hot. Missing California and my dad but hoping to go back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Missed everyone a lot and can't wait to catch up on some serious party time!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My life be like.....
There were quite a few ninjas on the beach today. They must have been having a sort of convention or something but it really was a nice send off! Good-bye Huntington Beach, good-bye ninjas-galore! Although, some of them were not that nice, if I took their comments the right way. Anyway, this won't make sense to anyone but a select few and that's PERFECTLY alright with me.
I'm feeling a little weird right now, like I'm still being tossed about in the waves. I spent a good two or three hours boogie boarding and "swimming" for the last time today and sitting here right...I meaning writing....this entry is an extremely strange experience. I'm going to miss this....I'm not sure what: feeling of being in a moving bowl of jelly? That sounds great.
I think my brain might be a little rattled because this...the computer screen....feels about a hundred miles away. That's what you get for taking in the most of the ocean.....my-my, the disconnect between my brain and the keyboard is astonishing.
I'm about to go have some Olive Garden so I'll keep writing when I'm back....maybe then I won't feel so loopy.
And so we enter another Space Time Continuum!
I'm feeling a little weird right now, like I'm still being tossed about in the waves. I spent a good two or three hours boogie boarding and "swimming" for the last time today and sitting here right...I meaning writing....this entry is an extremely strange experience. I'm going to miss this....I'm not sure what: feeling of being in a moving bowl of jelly? That sounds great.
I think my brain might be a little rattled because this...the computer screen....feels about a hundred miles away. That's what you get for taking in the most of the ocean.....my-my, the disconnect between my brain and the keyboard is astonishing.
I'm about to go have some Olive Garden so I'll keep writing when I'm back....maybe then I won't feel so loopy.
And so we enter another Space Time Continuum!
W-W-W-WELCOME, BACK! Olive Garden was great and the unsettled sensation has spirited away! Now to tell you a little bit more about my adventures here at the beach...
My dad and I rented a car for transportation purposes or should I say he rented a car and has been driving all over town with me in the passenger seat and it's been awesome. Lem's been good to us (Lem being the name of the car, obviously) so it'll feel weird without him (and my dad, hahahhaha)! It would be nice to stay longer but it's been relatively "cloudy" weather the last two days and I can honestly say I'm happy about that. Better to leave during bad weather than to leave during fabulous weather, AM I RIGHT?
So the father figure's pretty upset about me leaving and while it so totally doesn't rock, duuuude, that I have to go I try and stay more or less positive. In fact, just so you get an idea of my philosophy, this is what our conversation sounded like:
Father Figure: I wish that you didn't have to leave. I wish none of this had happened.
Daughter Unit: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Father, besides the will of evil. I was meant to come to California. In which case, I was also meant to leave it. And that is an encouraging thought.No big deal.
Well, I'm all packed and ready to go. 7 am flight, 3 am pick up....HERE WE COME!
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