Someone asked me yesterday whether you and I were close and it got me thinking: you had the gift for making anyone feel like they were your closest and dearest friend. We weren't, in all reality, but if I saw you in the library, getting your coffee from Mack's, I knew you'd wave, say hi and ask me about my day. And I knew that when I told you about how busy I was or complained about the cold weather you were listening and cared. Because that was your gift, Paul.
You were also an incredibly talented man who had the patience to teach even the least handy of people how to drill nails into a piece of wood! And you never grew weary of answering my questions about which drill bit would work best because when I was rounding out the edges of my 15th nail or returning with yet again the wrong tool you weren't my teacher, you were my friend and colleague. An often endless source of cheerful encouragement.
People like you come few and far between. I am blessed to have laughed with you, blessed to have shared frustrations and joys with you and honoured to have had the opportunity to create such beautiful and exciting things with such a talented man.
I will forever miss you, Paul, and be deeply grateful for the things about life that you taught me.
Good-bye....
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thoughts as Year Four comes to an end.
(This is directly transcribed for a real conversation I had. I am "M", "A" will remain undisclosed.)
M: I'm not cut out for school. I find it a selfish thing. I want to "better myself through education"? Bullshit. I want to make people think I'm smarter because I went to university. But the truth is, I feel dumber. I feel inadequate and often question my own ability to function in the "real world". For crying out loud, I can't even handle one tiny little assignment never mind get it in on time! But then I stop and think that I'll probably do better "in the real world" because there, whatever it is I'm doing, I'm doing for others. Like teaching. Or being a mom.
But I have to have an education. "They" say so. So, I go to class and I try my hardest to be engaged and pay attention and be a good little girl but what actually happens is I forget to hand in an assignment or I fail a class and I equate this with FAILING life.
And no one tells me "wow, you're really good with kids" and then says "and it'll get you far in life". No, it's "go to school and learn how to be good with kids and then you'll make money. don't finish an assignment? FAIL."
A: Is this new to you? That's capitalism, you know?
M: It's just frustrating. Reading about capitalism is one thing, living it is another. I don't want to. It's bullshit to me. And I just don't want to have to lie about what I'm interested in....
A: You wanna move to China? It sucks but that's the way it is...
M: OK. I understand I can't change the world I'm living in by throwing a fit but I also don't like what it does to my psyche every time I don't do well, academically. And I don't think I should stand for it. I do but I don't think I should. It feels like I'm being forced into something because that's the norm. The norm is make money or die. What kind of fucking norm is that?
A: It's sad but there is no way of changing it, there are too many people who gain from this system and funnily enough because of the system they are the most powerful.
A: I don't like this idea capitalism puts in our minds that if you're not financially or academically better than someone else you're inadequate. How does this enforce positive human values? Do people even care about positive human values anymore or is it all about "ME, ME, ME"? I'm really sad now...thinking that the world is such a shitty place for people like me.
M: I'm not cut out for school. I find it a selfish thing. I want to "better myself through education"? Bullshit. I want to make people think I'm smarter because I went to university. But the truth is, I feel dumber. I feel inadequate and often question my own ability to function in the "real world". For crying out loud, I can't even handle one tiny little assignment never mind get it in on time! But then I stop and think that I'll probably do better "in the real world" because there, whatever it is I'm doing, I'm doing for others. Like teaching. Or being a mom.
But I have to have an education. "They" say so. So, I go to class and I try my hardest to be engaged and pay attention and be a good little girl but what actually happens is I forget to hand in an assignment or I fail a class and I equate this with FAILING life.
And no one tells me "wow, you're really good with kids" and then says "and it'll get you far in life". No, it's "go to school and learn how to be good with kids and then you'll make money. don't finish an assignment? FAIL."
A: Is this new to you? That's capitalism, you know?
M: It's just frustrating. Reading about capitalism is one thing, living it is another. I don't want to. It's bullshit to me. And I just don't want to have to lie about what I'm interested in....
A: You wanna move to China? It sucks but that's the way it is...
M: OK. I understand I can't change the world I'm living in by throwing a fit but I also don't like what it does to my psyche every time I don't do well, academically. And I don't think I should stand for it. I do but I don't think I should. It feels like I'm being forced into something because that's the norm. The norm is make money or die. What kind of fucking norm is that?
A: It's sad but there is no way of changing it, there are too many people who gain from this system and funnily enough because of the system they are the most powerful.
A: I don't like this idea capitalism puts in our minds that if you're not financially or academically better than someone else you're inadequate. How does this enforce positive human values? Do people even care about positive human values anymore or is it all about "ME, ME, ME"? I'm really sad now...thinking that the world is such a shitty place for people like me.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Once upon a time....
Tell my life story, eh?
It's amazing that the people behind Facebook consider what I put on Facebook my "life story". If that's the case, I have the most depressing, alcohol infused, drug addled life ever.
So, no thank you Mr. Zuckerberg or whoever's in charge of the "new kind of profile"; I'm going to stick to posting images, comments and other such embarassing nonsense in peace. I'd like to avoid "tracking my stupidity" for as long as possible.
Other than that, see you soon!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
meerrrr
Been in Israel for something like 3 weeks and....
I can't remember what a Sharpengark looks like!
I can't remember what a Sharpengark looks like!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Sababah and all but...
Where do I start...?
What with everything that's being going on, the last 2 weeks, it would be impossible to choose just one story to start with....the best I can offer is a concise version of what I've done since I took off from Pearson Airport all those many "months" ago...
Before Israel was even really a reality, I was waking up December 25th to a house full of delicious smells, presents to wrap and a suitcase to pack. I knew it was important that I get my stuff together but everything I saw, heard or smelt came as an unwanted distraction. It wasn't until well after Christmas dinner and very late into the night that I finally opened my suitcase and began to organize. Nothing is harder, however, than choosing what's essential and what's not so if you look at what I brought, you'll realize I came as minimally prepared, for this trip, as possible. One small "carry on luggage" size suitcase to my 10 days worth of stuff. Totally worth it.
Upon actually packing and squeezing in a few hours of sleep, I woke up the morning of Dec 26th absolutely and finally sure of one thing: Israel is real. I had no clue what was waiting for me yet, after all those months of preparation, I was finally going to Israel!
The truth is, after this part of the story my entire Taglit-Birthright experience jumbles into one giant awesome moment in time. Nothing and everything stands out to me as the "greatest" moment of the trip; every second of every day was a new experience and nothing was a waste of mine, or anyone's, time. There are, of course, points on this trip that I would have loved to experience for longer and others that could have been shorter but I truly loved every day as much as the next.
My only complaint, while we're talking about the experience [as a whole], is that there's not much emphasis on the cultural, day-to-day aspects of Israeli life. We talk politics and religion but don't touch on language or daily expectations. As a Canadian who found the historical, physical and communal aspects of Israel so appealing I feel as though it is the job of Taglit-Birthright to share some knowledge of what it takes to live here. So far, on my extension, I've gotten a feel for what's acceptable and what's not but who am I to know? But this is really my only complaint about the experience.
As for those individual moments on the Taglit-Birthright-Tel Aviv Extension timeline, I will name only a few.
1. At the Kibbutz, on the first night (or was it second?) absolutely losing it with Erin. And so began the first of ten extremely outrageous days/nights.
2. Finding those hammocks, in Tzfat, with Adam and talking about a lot of really interesting things. And so began the cutest friendship of all!
3. Hiking the Golan Heights and laughing the whole way up and down.
4. Meeting the soldiers. Enough said.
5. Sharing in some of the most life changing conversations ever (I'm talking about you, New Year's Eve!).
6. Raptoring absolutely everywhere with Kelsey and creating the 10 Commandments of Our Religion.
7. New Year's Eve, itself, because everything worked out so beautifully.
8. The pinpoint in time when I knew, for real, that fate exists.
9. Bissli in Jerusalem.
and
10. Sleeping on the streets in front of the Azrieli Centre with nothing but a vague concept of what 2 weeks longer in Israel is capable of.
The examples I've just given are only a taste of what I've done and expect to do and I can't wait for the next pinpoint moment when I'll be reminded, again, how lucky I am to be alive.
If I wasn't so OCD about lists (you know what I'm talking about 353) I would make an 11th point. Actually, I'm going to make it even though it takes a lot out of me to see a list end in an odd number...
11. Laughter (and I apologize for the cliché) is the greatest medicine. Or gift. Use it whenever, wherever and however. Laughter is impossible to force because everything is funny. Of course there are times to laugh and there are times to remain quiet but never deny yourself laughter. If I've learned anything here it's that people are great! Everyone is capable of being hilariously funny or unbelievably wise and I could not have chosen a better way to spend my winter holidays!
I truly appreciate everything that happened to me these last 2 weeks. Somehow, everyone made their mark and I'll be forever indebted to them for the possibilities they've created. And what's so beautiful about it all is how unconscious this change has been. From one morning to the next I understood my position in this world and I owe it a million times to my beloved Taglit-ers.
What with everything that's being going on, the last 2 weeks, it would be impossible to choose just one story to start with....the best I can offer is a concise version of what I've done since I took off from Pearson Airport all those many "months" ago...
Before Israel was even really a reality, I was waking up December 25th to a house full of delicious smells, presents to wrap and a suitcase to pack. I knew it was important that I get my stuff together but everything I saw, heard or smelt came as an unwanted distraction. It wasn't until well after Christmas dinner and very late into the night that I finally opened my suitcase and began to organize. Nothing is harder, however, than choosing what's essential and what's not so if you look at what I brought, you'll realize I came as minimally prepared, for this trip, as possible. One small "carry on luggage" size suitcase to my 10 days worth of stuff. Totally worth it.
Upon actually packing and squeezing in a few hours of sleep, I woke up the morning of Dec 26th absolutely and finally sure of one thing: Israel is real. I had no clue what was waiting for me yet, after all those months of preparation, I was finally going to Israel!
The truth is, after this part of the story my entire Taglit-Birthright experience jumbles into one giant awesome moment in time. Nothing and everything stands out to me as the "greatest" moment of the trip; every second of every day was a new experience and nothing was a waste of mine, or anyone's, time. There are, of course, points on this trip that I would have loved to experience for longer and others that could have been shorter but I truly loved every day as much as the next.
My only complaint, while we're talking about the experience [as a whole], is that there's not much emphasis on the cultural, day-to-day aspects of Israeli life. We talk politics and religion but don't touch on language or daily expectations. As a Canadian who found the historical, physical and communal aspects of Israel so appealing I feel as though it is the job of Taglit-Birthright to share some knowledge of what it takes to live here. So far, on my extension, I've gotten a feel for what's acceptable and what's not but who am I to know? But this is really my only complaint about the experience.
As for those individual moments on the Taglit-Birthright-Tel Aviv Extension timeline, I will name only a few.
1. At the Kibbutz, on the first night (or was it second?) absolutely losing it with Erin. And so began the first of ten extremely outrageous days/nights.
2. Finding those hammocks, in Tzfat, with Adam and talking about a lot of really interesting things. And so began the cutest friendship of all!
3. Hiking the Golan Heights and laughing the whole way up and down.
4. Meeting the soldiers. Enough said.
5. Sharing in some of the most life changing conversations ever (I'm talking about you, New Year's Eve!).
6. Raptoring absolutely everywhere with Kelsey and creating the 10 Commandments of Our Religion.
7. New Year's Eve, itself, because everything worked out so beautifully.
8. The pinpoint in time when I knew, for real, that fate exists.
9. Bissli in Jerusalem.
and
10. Sleeping on the streets in front of the Azrieli Centre with nothing but a vague concept of what 2 weeks longer in Israel is capable of.
The examples I've just given are only a taste of what I've done and expect to do and I can't wait for the next pinpoint moment when I'll be reminded, again, how lucky I am to be alive.
If I wasn't so OCD about lists (you know what I'm talking about 353) I would make an 11th point. Actually, I'm going to make it even though it takes a lot out of me to see a list end in an odd number...
11. Laughter (and I apologize for the cliché) is the greatest medicine. Or gift. Use it whenever, wherever and however. Laughter is impossible to force because everything is funny. Of course there are times to laugh and there are times to remain quiet but never deny yourself laughter. If I've learned anything here it's that people are great! Everyone is capable of being hilariously funny or unbelievably wise and I could not have chosen a better way to spend my winter holidays!
I truly appreciate everything that happened to me these last 2 weeks. Somehow, everyone made their mark and I'll be forever indebted to them for the possibilities they've created. And what's so beautiful about it all is how unconscious this change has been. From one morning to the next I understood my position in this world and I owe it a million times to my beloved Taglit-ers.
Here we all are!
xoxo
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)